Question & Answer
I have been in a relationship with a guy from past 4 years and we had committed Zina.

Assalamualaikum, I am 23 year old female, I have been in a relationship with a guy from past 4 years and we had committed Zina and took repentance from Allah. Now the time of marriage has arrived and my parents are not agreeing because he belongs to a middle class family, and they want me to get married to a rich guy abroad. I have failed to convince my parents and I do not want to run away. We have been praying to Allah, Please help me and guide me as what needs to be done, I want to marry him only and with my parents consent, Jazakallah

Answer:



بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

We begin with Allah’s blessed name, we praise him and we glorify him, seek his forgiveness and ask him to guide us. Whoever Allah guides, None can lead astray and whoever he misguides, None can guide. There is no power and no strength except from Allah, The most high, the Most great, the most powerful. We bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers. We pray for peace and blessings on all the noble messengers and in particular on the last of them all “the blessed prophet Mohammad (pbuh)”

In Islam, marriage is the union of two unknown souls of opposite sex, in which they become permitted to each other, and begin their long journey of life in a spirit of love, cooperation, Harmony and tolerance, where the two find peace and satisfaction in association and attachment with each other. This is the wise arrangement which the Creator has made, the means of the survival of the human race, on the one hand, and of bringing the human civilization into existence, on the other. Allah says in the glorious Quran:

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. Quran [30:21]

In marriage Allah has puts love and mercy, through which the two remain united in happiness as well as in grief, become support to each other, enjoy each other, and keeps them away from sins like illegal sexual intercourse.

Islam encourages the believers to marry men or women of their choice amongst the believers. Our beloved prophet said:
Narrated by Anas ibn Malik Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." Al-TIRMIDHI[3096]

Islam has honoured women with a right to choose her husband and has prohibited parents to force her to marry to someone she doesn’t like.

Dear sister, If you are in a situation where you want to marry a guy and the guy is also willing to marry you, but your parents are not interested in marrying you with him, then you should try to convince your parents, and if they still are not convinced then in that case you should marry the one whom both your parents and you approve of. And you should not disobey your parents in any way.

"And your lord has decreed that you worship none but him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour." QURAN [17:23]

"And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."" QURAN[17:24]

It would absolutely not be considered righteousness, (in whatever situation) for believing women to arrange her own marriage without the approval of parents.

Islam also guides that the parents should not force their son/daughter to marry someone he/she does not wish to marry, nor should son/daughter force his /her parents. marriage is not merely a union of two people who love each other, but rather a sacred union that unites two whole families...thus if one is faced with a situation whereby their son/daughter is in 'love' with an eligible boy/girl (believer, chaste, etc.) and the parents of the boy/girl are satisfied with the character and the practice of religion of the boy/girl....they should accede with the choice and request of their son/daughter.

Narrated byAbuHurayrah Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.' Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.

AL-TIRMIDHI[Hadith 3090]

So dear sister you should try to convince your parents, if the man is righteous and your parents are still opposing, then my humble request to your parents is, they should change their position, and should allow you to marry the man of your choice. And Allah alone knows the best.

I ask Allah to make this a sincere effort, seeking his pleasure, and I ask him to grant us refuge in him from the evils within ourselves, and that in our deeds. I ask him to grant us success in achieving whatever pleases him; And May Allah Shower His blessings and mercy upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), his family and his Companions and on all those who follow him until the final hour.

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